All that I am is because of all that You are
Happy birthday to me and my mommy, the greatest gift I’ve ever received was being born your daughter.
I was 13 years old whenever I had the realization that the greatest thing to have ever happened to me was to have been born my mother’s daughter. At the time, I hadn’t fully grasped the lengths of which her love stretched but even my hyper-pubescent, emotionally dense teenage self had been able to sense that she was something special.
Being my mother’s daughter is similar to being a nepo-baby of sorts. (My mother comes from a line of women who have always been themselves and she has taught me to be the same. I credit her for my confidence and strong sense of self.) She is annoyingly stylish (it’s great when all of my friend’s are envious of my closet but ego destroying when she manages to eat me up every family vacation we take) exceedingly intelligent (her credentials are insane), overwhelmingly dedicated, and disproportionately talented. She is cool without trying, the funniest person I know, and relentlessly loving. I don’t think that I’ve ever met someone who loves as fully and truly as she does. I want to believe that I can someday make others feel as loved as she makes me feel.
I thought that this essay would be about my fear of aging and the break that defines adulthood and childhood but the words aren’t coming to me. I’m just filled with this overwhelming sense of gratitude that I have someone in my life who supports me, who is still holding my hand throughout my journey of life. I was convinced that by turning 20, she had to let go but I can still see her in everything I do. I’m realizing now that I’ve only been able to come this far because she has been with me. I don’t have to be afraid of losing her because I am an extension of her. Everything I am is a compound of her love, attention, and care and that is really important to me.
I love you so so much mommy, you are everything to me and I am so grateful to have been born 20 years ago.
*Disclaimer— this essay has 0 editing in it. I really wanted to publish something commemorating today, even if I wasn’t proud of it so here it is.